Well, here's the condensed Reader's Digest version of what's going on... as if there is such a thing with me:
When a martial arts school opened close to home, it seemed ideal to put the kids in the class. Ana didn't particularly take to it, but Liz really enjoyed it. The first two months of classes consisted of grappling, which seemed to be fine for a group ranging in age from 6 to 12.
In June, they suddenly switched to learning what I can best describe as calculated street fighting. The kids were wearing "MMA" gloves that are primarily designed to protect knuckles of the puncher while leaving the fingers open and free for "MMA" type grappling and submissions. They were NOT wearing head protection or body padding of any kind. This was a concern, but I was told that they wouldn't be "sparring" hard enough to need that stuff... Direct quote that I personally heard numerous times: "Head padding is optional". Remember - this group of kids ranged from ages 6 to 12.
Now... that said, the first and only night that neither Jason nor I could be there for the entire class, Liz was put up against an opponent to "spar". Liz is 5' tall and bounces between 135-140 pounds. Her opponent well over a head taller than her, and at least 70 pounds heavier. As long as nobody is out for blood, that would be acceptable... but neither kid had padding or protection, and without any previous training on what "going 50%" means, these kids were put against each other to basically beat the hell out of each other.
And that's what happened. Liz got beat pretty badly. Her mouth was busted and swollen, but that's not the worst of it. She took multiple direct full-force punches to her right side between her rib cage and hip. You know, where the liver, spleen, gall bladder, kidney, and right ovary are located. According to not only her account, but others who witnessed this AND THE INSTRUCTOR HIMSELF, she was doubled over collapsed to the floor and couldn't breathe. Through her tears, the instructor helped her up to her feet, asked if she was OK, and PUT HER BACK IN THE MATCH WITH THE SAME KID.
Now, having seen what pain she was in, why was she put back up to fight? NEITHER of her parents were there to protest, and she's 12. She already picked up on the "no pain, no mercy" attitude of the instructor and classmates, so of course she's going to say, "Yeah, I'm OK." She's JUST A KID.
And I don't hold that boy responsible, in all reality, because HE is JUST A KID. He was doing what he was taught, which was basically to punch as hard as he could until he overpowered his opponent.
After this incident, she was on ice packs for at least 5 days, couldn't move, couldn't even lay comfortably in bed. She was alternating Motrins and Tylenol every 3 hours. However, she wanted to go back to class because she was assured that wouldn't happen again, and the kid would be taught the lesson about it.
WELL. The lesson was to have another instructor beat HIM up. REALLY? All that taught was animosity. It didn't teach that kid any humility or control, no discipline, and definitely no apology was issued.
She wanted to continue the class, so we allowed it on the condition that at least one of her parents would be present at all times. As parents, Jason and I have had numerous discussions about the sport. Around the same time, another instructor from a different martial arts discipline started holding classes at this same school. Jason and I even discussed the possibility that she could take one of those classes because they were much more structured and taught the basics of martial arts. But she wanted to stay where she was - why? Because the original instructor made it very clear on numerous occasions that the new teacher's style and methods were useless and boring.
The instructor also started to become almost paranoid, repeatedly asking me if Liz was losing interest, if she still liked the class, was she going to continue, what's with her attitude change, etc. It was weird, to say the least. The best was when he said he was getting a "bad vibe from the Leaseburgs". Well, she was HURT. She didn't learn any technique from that incident, she learned fear. Where he thought he had the bad vibe, I don't know. But that was the beginning of the end.
So she stayed, and she started to spar against the newer students, one of which being that bigger boy's 14 year old sister. And guess what happened next? Liz landed a hit to the girl's cheekbone and gave her a black eye.
GREAT. So now we have the boy who already has animosity towards Liz because of the retaliation of the other instructor beating HIM up, and his sister who Liz gave the black eye... can you see the personal conflict brewing with 12-14 year old kids? ANYONE who has kids that age and pays any attention would know and see, male or female, they aren't old enough to discern between which battles are worth fighting, and when it's better to shake hands and move on.
IN THE MEAN TIME... Liz's side was still giving her problems. She had a lot of discomfort and downright pain, especially after class was done. Lack of stretching causes many problems, and I mentioned that directly to this instructor on quite a few occasions - the kids aren't flexible, they need more stretching. I also mentioned that dancing workouts are great for flexibility, and that's probably why Liz (and one other younger girl) were the only ones able to sit on the floor with feet out to the side and touch their nose to the floor. As a dancer and dance teacher, I do know a thing or two about the human body and how to warm up and cool down... there were no cool downs in this class, ever.
Since she took such a pounding, I took care of her on the medical side. I made a doctor's appointment, without the instructor's knowledge, because some of the residual effects from the blows had me extremely concerned. Sure, we (Jason and I) were concerned for her current well-being, but she was showing signs that some of the damage from those blows may have caused permanent damage to her internal organs.
By Friday, July 29, she could barely participate in class. She stopped and asked for a Motrin to ease her pain. I told the instructor that she needs cleared by a doctor before she can fight. That night, after class, the instructor sent me a Facebook message that said, "keep me updated on liz,, not liking the pain she is having"
To me, that's an acknowledgement that she's STILL in pain from a blow she took 8 weeks prior, right? Without informing him of the details, I sent a message back saying, "Will do. I think her doctor's office is open tomorrow, I'm going to call to schedule an appointment." What he didn't know was she already HAD an appointment, she had been scheduled for testing to assess the extent of the damage.
Monday, August 1, she went to class. I had told her all along, she is NOT to fight that bigger kid. My concern was for her physical well-being, and so should the instructor's concern have been. Well, his wasn't. Three days after telling me he wants updated on her pain, he tried to put her up against that same kid for stand-up full contact fighting again. She told him she couldn't do it, that her mother wouldn't allow it.
The entire class then got a lecture on "team work" and working together with your fellow students. I had no problem with her holding 18" thick foam for that kid to punch or kick against. I had no problem with her holding hand pads and having that kid punch at them. That's fine and dandy for "team work". My problem was with the fact that she is STILL having residual problems from that fight in June, and there was STILL no body padding available for her to use during class, and he wants to put her out there to get beat on some more from a kid who is brewing animosity towards her??
You're DAMN RIGHT I pulled the plug on that.
Instructor wanted to talk to me outside about this after class. He repeated what Liz told him, that I wouldn't allow her to fight that one particular kid. And I said, Absolutely YES I said that. She should have never had that injury in the first place, let alone being put up against the same kid who did it in the first place? Yep, I told her she wasn't allowed, and she has to be medically cleared. This guy looked me square in the eye and told me that her saying "I can't" and "I won't" go against what he teaches. My answer to that was that neither he or the parents of that kid are paying her medical bills on this, and I'm not going to allow her to have permanent damage done. In 20 years, who's going to be the one paying for it when she's unable to bear children because of an incident that happened repeatedly when she was a kid?
And this guy looked me square in the eye, as if he was possessed by something, and said that in his class, she WILL do what he tells her to do, she WILL fight that kid again, and she WILL work with everyone for team work. And I quote: "She WILL fight ________, because he has nobody else to spar with."
And you're DAMN RIGHT I called BULL SHIT on that. It's not HER problem that he has nobody his size. WHAT ABOUT THE INSTRUCTOR?? I pointed out that she is 12 and I AM HER MOTHER. She does what I say above and beyond anything else. In any professional circuit, any amateur circuit, and anywhere in the world, she wouldn't ever be expected to be a punching bag for a boy who was that much bigger than her. There are weight classes for a reason. I elaborated to give my opinion about the way the entire class has gone. He constantly brings up a fight club and tells the KIDS that if they don't like what he's teaching, the fight club is right down the road, like it's some kind of bullying threat to these kids. So I told him all he's doing is turning this group of kids into a miniature version of that fight club.
So he said OK, no more sparring until the kids learn more control. That is A-OK fine by me. And this guy actually turned to MY KID and told her that goes for her learning Judo throws, too, she can't knock anyone down... even though that's a technique supposedly taught by his program. I picked up on what he was trying to do instantly, and thank GOD, so did Liz. He was trying to use something she enjoyed (and is attending a summer camp program to learn more of) AGAINST ME. He wanted her to flip on ME and beg me to allow sparring so she could continue to learn throws and take-downs. BIG MISTAKE.
In the short time that this guy knew us, apparently he never figured out how loyal Liz is to her parents, especially her mother. And Liz knew that I was looking out for HER. She saw instantly what it was all about to him.
At this point, I decided that I was trying to reason with the unreasonable. I just began nodding my head, agreeing, and ended it by shaking his hand and saying, "I want you to know, I had something to say to YOU, and I said it to YOU." Anyone who knows me knows that I do NOT hold back. There's no "filter" between my mouth and what anyone else hears, whether they like it or not.
We left and went home. Liz and I shared with Jason what just happened. He had to get ready for bed so he could get up for work, but we had a lot to discuss.
And then the voicemail, facebook messaging, and text message harassment started. And it was so completely wishy-washy, it was absolutely unreal. By this time, my only thought was, "Dude, are you on crack? Because THAT would make sense!"
One message was about how he wanted to make sure we're straight that Liz has to work together as a team, and all the kids have to work together whether they like each other outside of the school or not. The next one was about how he values my opinion. So I gave him my opinion. He asked for it, right? Then he wanted to know if she's coming back. I didn't respond. Then it was about how he's sorry if he let us down, and if he's doing such a bad job, he should just close up shop and quit. I responded to say that the question is more, is she going to be singled out for being the reason that nobody is going to "spar" since I'm the only parent who ever voiced concern (according to him), so apparently the rest of the kids and parents are OK with them just beating the hell out of each other three days a week.
Then he said he was refunding the money for Liz for August on "Friday". (This was on the 1st, mind you, why even cash the check? The right thing to do would have been void it and mail it back.) By this time, it was well after midnight, and I responded to say that I'm not making a decision without talking to Jason and Liz, both of whom had been in bed for over 2 hours at this point. However, since he's refunding money, looks like he already made that decision. Right?
Plus, we still had to get her test results. I didn't share that tidbit with him (none of his business at this point), but she was to be seen by a specialist later in the week.
After her visit to the specialist, this is the message I sent him:
"As per the specialist today, Liz does have scarring from damage that would typically be seen in liver lacerations from repeated blunt force trauma to the abdomen. The release of enzymes and her body trying to heal is responsible for her mood swings. She's going for more testing to determine the extent of the damage, however, on the specialist doctor's orders, Liz is physically unable to participate in your combat fighting programs.
"Teamwork" aside, I'm very glad that I at least stood up for Liz and forbid her to take another pounding. One completely unnecessary liver laceration is more than enough for a 12 year old girl.
Good luck, I hope the rest of your students are able to keep up with the physical demands."
That's the last direct contact I had with him. He responded via Facebok to say that he was sorry and he knows none of it was intentional. The poor attitude, the look on his face when he told me that she would do what HE said, and the final text message to come through telling me that he doesn't want to lose a student over one incident because "quite frankly we are the best around".... yeah, the "best" don't even acknowledge that they ARE the best. And there are PLENTY of schools within driving distance who do take necessary precautions and teach technique, not fear and hatred.
And then, apparently I was being "watched" because it was brought to my attention how everything and anything I posted as a status on Facebook was being taken personally by him. As if I have no other life??? I run a business. I have several hobbies. I have family members, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and clients ALL OVER THE WORLD. I don't single people out to insult them indirectly on Facebook, for pity's sake, I said what I had to say directly to him to begin with. If something I had to say made him upset, then perhaps that was just a guilty conscience.
I'm sure that his account is much different, with more self-righteousness and haughtiness added to the pot. Who knows what he's told his group of followers, and honestly, I couldn't care less. I do know that he told the rest of the students that Liz "quit". She didn't "quit", she was taken out of a bad situation and she's moved on. But if that's what he wants to call it, so be it.
I have absolutely nothing against martial arts. What I have a problem with is someone using the guise of martial arts to create a new generation of bullies who incite fear. He does have these kids recite a "Student Creed" and a "Federation Creed" before and after each class... it would just have been nice to see the instructor himself following through consistently on the values and beliefs stated in those creeds.
And yet notice - I never mentioned the name of the instructor, the school, or the federation. Who? Yeah, that's right, we've moved on.
No comments:
Post a Comment