Today's Inspired Thoughts

You've got issues, and I already cancelled my subscription to that.  (inspired by the handy dandy hide-all-posts-from-this-user button on Facebook.)

It's not just unethical, it actually IS illegal to pretend you're a non-profit organization and profit from other people's generosity.  And it's pretty stupid to keep stacks of this profit in obvious locations.  I mean, at least dig a hole and make your neighbors think you're hiding bodies.  "Gosh.... friggin' IDIOT." - Napoleon Dynamite (inspired by local news)

The line between being "good" and "evil" isn't a fine line.  It's actually a huge ravine.  And you just dove in there head first.  Good job, buddy!  (inspired by someone who shall remain nameless... but there are pictures of him in Liz's Facebook photos!)

I don't understand tagging yourself in your own photos.  Did you forget who you are and what you look like?  And ESPECIALLY when the picture is of ONLY you.  If I'm looking at YOUR PHOTOS, it's a good bet that the untagged person is YOU.  (Inspired by seeing someone's tagged photos, and she/he is the ONLY person tagged in the pictures.)

There's "fun" crazy, and then there's "people are afraid of you" crazy.  You can't be both.  PICK A SIDE and get medicated for it!

Why do the most non-religious people always repost religious messages on their Facebook?  And also they forward them in text messages?  "If you don't forward this and repost it, the world will know you are ashamed of Jesus."   Um... It's almost like seeing a bank robber driving  a getaway car with a bumper sticker that says, "Honk if you love Jesus!"  I'm not ashamed of Jesus.  I think Jesus would be ashamed if he saw sacreligious people using electronic media to put on a false front of who they really are.  These posts rank right up there as FAIL in my book.  (inspired by two text messages from unknown numbers and several Facebook posts I've seen today.)

Did you ever notice how nothing on your body itches until you JUST finish painting your finger nails?  Then EVERYTHING itches.  It's like poison ivy erupts everywhere, especially in places where your fingernails will get smudged... like your armpits and butt crack.

Why do armpits grow hair?  I mean, really.  It's one of the hottest points on a human body, so the hair isn't there for insulation.  Maybe we're supposed to let the hair grow, braid it, decorate it with shiny beads, and walk around with our arms in the air.

My dog has hairy armpits.  Just sayin'.

Laughter is made from air passing the vocal chords in your throat in short bursts.  So... Farts are just your butt's way of laughing at you.

Articulation should be an official dialect of the English Language.  You either speak "American English", or you are Articulate.  There's no middle ground.

In learning a new language, one comes to realize that English is ridiculous.  It's a pompous way to rearrange words so that others can't translate our sentences.  I can name 5 other languages that have the same grammar structure, but there's nothing quite like English.  And only in American English can you make up your own words and have others know what you are talking about.  Happy-Go-Lucky.  Really?  If I'm happy, does that mean I'm going to be lucky?  If you're happy and you're lucky, do a jig like the Lucky Charms Leprechaun!  *kicks up heels*  And we have so many words for one thing...... and one word can mean so many things.  WHO CAME UP WITH THIS LANGUAGE?!  It's half-cookied and confusing as hell.  (As if hell is confusing?  It's not confusing.... go ask the pseudoreligious Facebookers who have already contacted the travel agent to arrange their one-way trip!)

In what dimension is it a "good idea" to randomly call people and try to sell them something?  Maybe I should try that... Imagine how this would go... "Well, hello there!  I'm so happy you got up from your dinner and stopped your day to answer the phone for my call, I'm in the business of selling things... wanna buy a little Coochy tonight?" Imagine the reactions.  THAT would be a FUN telemarketing call.  Picture it:  One person would start reciting the Gospel in my ear (NO LADY, I'm talking about SHAVE CREAM to rid your pits of the fur!), another person would ask if it's a blond or brunette (and then cackle as he gets the lotion out of the drawer), and I'm almost positive I'd get the lonely woman who wants to tell me about her nephew and her cats.  Telemarketing is NOT A GOOD IDEA, stop DOING IT!

Speaking of languages and telemarketing..... I've discovered a new form of cheap entertainment......

A conversation with a telemarketer:
Him:  "Hello, my name is ______, and I'd like to make you an offer to bank millions of dollars in online marketing.  Do you have a minute to learn about this?"

Me:  "No English."

Him:  "Oh, do you speak Spanish?"

Me:  "Si, si."

Him:  "Please hold, I will get a Spanish speaking rep."

holding... holding... holding...

Spanish Speaking Rep:  " ¡Hola!  Me llamo _____..."

Me:  " Huh?  I don't speak Spanish, what did you say?  Why are you calling me?  Stop calling me!!!"